Monday, June 17, 2013

Searching for my Sole in Saskatchewan

I slept soundly, the deep silence of Saskatchewan’s boreal forest broken only by the occasional drone of a mosquito approaching an exposed patch of skin. Everything changed on awakening.

The right shoe of my favourite pair of Rockports, which I had left, somewhat muddy, outside my recreational vehicle in a campground just outside Prince Albert National Park, was missing. The campground authorities were notified. A search was conducted. No luck. My remaining left shoe, size eleven, is now an orphan.
Everyone has a theory to explain one of greatest mysteries to ever hit Saskatchewan. Several animals are potential culprits: a bear, a fox, a lynx, a porcupine, perhaps even an errant pelican. Conspiracy theories, of course, are popular. A dangerous one-legged felon has recently escaped from a regional prison. UFOs are common here, I learned. But why would aliens want a size-11 right shoe? The Shoesquatch is a popular suspect and BC tourism officials quickly challenged Shoesquatch to a shoedown against Ogopogo. Others feel the incident is related to the shoes (with feet enclosed) washing up along the BC coast. I double locked the RV door next night — with the left shoe inside.

Worried that Saskatchewan will gain a reputation as the Bermuda Triangle of Shoes, tourism officials have posted a reward of $5,000 for the return of the missing shoe. For real! Search parties are being mounted even as we speak.

My wife, Allyson, is quite frugal and told me not to throw out the remaining left shoe. When questioned, she explained I might lose a foot or leg in the future and would then only need one shoe. My travel companions quickly pointed out that with my luck, I would probably lose the wrong foot. I look forward to calling Allyson: “I’ve got good news and bad news, dear.”

Should anyone be travelling to Saskatchewan soon, please contact me first. I’m bringing out a great line of shoe locks and shoes with inbuilt GPS-chips. Perhaps you might like the T-shirt?